Inner Child Work
It is important to start giving your inner child some attention. This is for ___ (whatever name you identify as yourself in childhood)
To start off with, in relationship to ____, I would like you to try to say the following - or something similar - as often as you think about it.
____ was a beautiful, special little girl (boy), a precious innocent little girl (boy). It is not okay that she (he) did not feel wanted. It is not okay that she (he) was treated in a way that made her (him) feel evil (bad, defective, unlovable, etc.). I am so sorry that ____ felt so bad and thought it was her (his) fault. I am now willing to Love ____, to have compassion for that precious little girl (boy) - to own her (him) and rescue her. (him)
Second assignment with ____. Try the right hand (dominant - so left if left handed), left hand (non dominant so right if left handed) writing some time. Writing to ____ with your dominant hand, and then using your non dominant hand to answer. This can produce some really mind boggling at times.This next assignment has no deadline and is not quite as simple. It can to be done when the Spirit moves you - in one sitting, or a little at a time, whatever works. I believe it would be very good for you to write a fairy tale about a Beautiful Spiritual Being who is given a very important assignment to aid in the healing of the planet so human beings could learn to be more Loving to each other. It would start off, "Once upon a time . . ." and tell the story of how this Being of Light accepted an assignment to go into human body and endure a painful life as a Princess (Prince) that was not recognized in her (his) home and in her (his) life for many, many years. A Princess (Prince) who endures great emotional / physical / mental pain and torment in her (his) lifetime all the time having forgotten who she (he) really was and why she (he) had come into body on this planet at this time. There would come a point in this life of suffering and endurance that she (he) would start to wake up to her (his) True Self - where she would get enough of a memory to realize that if she (he) ever wanted to find out who she (he) Truly is, then she (he) needed to take drastic action and make a courageous leap into the unknown. That point would come ??????.
If you can do this fairy tale of your life - writing about how this Princess (Prince) suffered, the traumatic and painful things that happened to her (him), her (his) life journey - up until ____ (turning point where recovery began), that it will set the stage for you to see yourself more clearly then ever. In telling the story from ___ (the turning point) on (And it came to pass . . .?) you will see your life more clearly, you will write things that will help you to understand and see more clearly, than ever before. I think if you are willing to do this, you may be able to discover some idea of what is in front of you. It could bring some major breakthroughs.
And I do mean "do" this - like the positive affirmations it is very important to be willing to take the action. In terms of our childhood memories, we will need to be willing to think about, focus some conscious attention on, our childhood to bring the wounding out of the darkness into the Light. But thinking about them is just a preliminary shift in focus - we need to be willing to take action, to do the recovery writing. A fairy tale is just one option. It is important to write about our childhood experiences, or talk out loud about them, in order to get in touch with the feelings - thinking about them doesn't get the emotional energy flowing. We have spent most of our life trying to not remember and not feel the feelings - it takes some action on our part to start opening up to the grief and rage that we have suppressed. It is a matter of sitting down and starting writing and seeing where it takes you. While writing go into details of any memories that come up - i.e. what you were wearing, any smell or color or music you remember, etc., as small details are often emotional triggers. Like when I write, things will come up that will surprise you, ambush you, amaze you. It is a really magical process that involves being willing to start "doing" it - and then following it to where it leads you.
"It is when we start understanding the cause and effect relationship between what happened to the child that we were, and the effect it had on the adult we became, that we can Truly start to forgive ourselves. It is only when we start understanding on an emotional level, on a gut level, that we were powerless to do anything any differently than we did that we can Truly start to Love ourselves.
The hardest thing for any of us to do is to have compassion for ourselves. As children we felt responsible for the things that happened to us. We blamed ourselves for the things that were done to us and for the deprivations we suffered. There is nothing more powerful in this transformational process than being able to go back to that child who still exists within us and say, "It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong, you were just a little kid."
To be able to say "I Love you" to the child/children within us, and to the person who we are today, and really mean it on an emotional level, is one of the goals of this process.
Until we can forgive ourselves and Love ourselves we cannot Truly Love and forgive any other human beings - including our parents who were only doing the best they knew how. They, too, were powerless to do anything any different - they were just reacting to their wounds.
It is necessary to own and honor the child who we were in order to Love the person we are. And the only way to do that is to own that child's experiences, honor that child's feelings, and release the emotional grief energy that we are still carrying around."
Quote from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
Some other pages that focus on Inner Child work:
The whole section on Inner Child Healing = a path to freedom, serenity, and empowerment including:
Loving the Wounded Child Within
Union Within - healing the inner child